Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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