Tell her she can't have a vagina
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
