i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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