Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
