How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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