Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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