24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
