Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
