I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
