so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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