it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And my parents said I crawled through the house
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
