well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
