Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
