i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
