this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
