The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
