Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
