I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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