Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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