READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
