i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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