roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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