well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
