btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
