My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
