Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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