so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize