Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize