I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
