I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
