My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize