My hair reeks of homosexuality.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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