Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
