What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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