where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
