apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sorry about my life...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
