Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
birth control should be required to get into college
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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