if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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