i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
