You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
