Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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