i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
