just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize