I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
