What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
