addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
