i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
