I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
