Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
