the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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