Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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