hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
