i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize