I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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