I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
