walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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