Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
