the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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