i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The struggles of a small town man whore
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
