also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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