Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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