if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize