I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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